Even as we emerged from the pandemic, the local business world remained pretty grim in 2023: tech layoffs, bank failures, crypto collapses, slow zones. You know the drill. At least no one jumped from a train into a river this year — sorry, scratch that. It’s a wonder the Massachusetts economy grew at all amid the doom and gloom. But you know what? There were still a few local business stories that came our way and lightened the mood. So rather than dwell on the sad stuff, let’s dive — or should we say slide? — into the weird, wacky, and wonderful as we look back on another crazy year. Advertisement Hottest new tourist attraction Sure, Boston now has a replica of the coffee shop from “Friends” on Newbury Street — maybe to take the place of that “Cheers” facsimile that closed in Faneuil Hall. And apparently there are majestic mountains and forests to be explored “10 miles west of Boston” if “The Last of Us,” that hit HBO show about killer fungus zombies, is to be believed. But nothing came close to Boston’s hottest new attraction: the “cop slide.” City Hall Plaza used to be a pretty boring place on most days. Then came the $95 million, Sasaki-designed plaza makeover, and, of course, that slide. Grown-ups skipped work to have a go at it after a viral video showed a uniformed police officer hurtling out of the bottom of the metal tube. For a brief time, the cop slide racked up five-star Google reviews — although the authorities pared back access in the name of safety. (It’s closed at night now.) What’s the problem, folks? At least there are no human-eating fungi around. Yo quiero Taco Bell Getting UPS to a contract agreement was the highest-profile win for Medford native Sean O’Brien in his first full year as International Brotherhood of Teamsters president. But chalupa fans should celebrate another victory: the end to a Teamsters strike at Borden Dairy in Wisconsin. The factory in question provided sour cream to every Taco Bell east of the Rocky Mountains, a fact the Teamsters were all too happy to highlight. But the union’s leaders missed out on the opportunity to deploy some great restaurant puns, as evidenced by the deadly serious protest photo that they circulated. Wait a minute. One of the grim-faced employees actually snuck one in after all, by holding a sign declaring Borden Dairy’s labor practices to be “the last straw.” Advertisement Celebrities are people, too Movie stars sure enjoyed slumming it around here, in everyday jobs and situations. Look, there’s Mark Wahlberg bagging groceries at the Quincy Stop & Shop. Or David Dastmalchian, fresh from “Oppenheimer,” working for Methuen-based Titan Casket as its first “celebrity casket ambassador.” (Yes, it’s a thing.) And who couldn’t relate when Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard camped out at Logan Airport after enduring hours of flight delays? The best of the bunch: Ben Affleck finally gave in to his destiny, appearing in ads for Canton-based Dunkin’. In one, he was mistaken for his buddy, Matt Damon. In another, he worked the drive-thru line at a Medford shop. Jennifer Lopez shows up and asks: “Is this what you do when you say you go to work all day?” He can only dream, J.Lo. Advertisement The latest real estate craze The office market remains stuck in a post-COVID funk. Labs are so 2022. Warehouses have cooled off. And department stores? Forget about it. So what to do with all the excess commercial real estate around here? If you’re a broker, you pick up a pickleball paddle. We should have been tipped off to this trend by the pickleball court that developer Samuels & Associates installed alongside a wine garden at a former gas station in the Fenway. Nevertheless, we were genuinely surprised when word got out that the former Neiman Marcus at the Natick Mall would be rebuilt as a massive pickleball club. When the luxury retailer’s marketers brag that “innovation has been at the forefront of Neiman Marcus,” it’s safe to say this is probably not what they had in mind. Giant mayo jar dropped off at Merriam-Webster in Springfield https://t.co/5ZHyDD3jC8 — WWLP-22News (@WWLP22News) November 9, 2023 Making ‘moist’ happen Springfield residents noticed something weird last month in front of the humdrum brick building that Merriam-Webster calls home: a giant jar of Kraft mayonnaise, with the words “Real Moist” emblazoned on the front. This “jar” was filled with hundreds of pounds of sandbags instead of real mayo. And it came with a note, presumably from Kraft’s marketing department, addressed to the dictionary “gatekeepers” working within: Make “moist” your word of the year, please. Last year, Merriam-Webster gave that honor to “gaslighting,” defined as psychological manipulation designed to cause someone to question their reality. Mutant mayo jars, it’s worth noting, can have that effect as well. Writing a fish tail You can’t really blame the good people at the Harvard Book Store for fretting when they received a stack of boxes with frozen haddock labels on them. Warehouse manager Alexandra Reid briefly freaked out, fearing she had “casually accepted 600 pounds of frozen fish.” That feeling gave way to relief after books were found inside. The distributor simply had extra boxes from a seafood company lying around and didn’t want them to go to waste. Harvard Book Store didn’t want them to go to waste, either. The bookseller orchestrated a caption contest for a photo of the box pile. Entries ranged from “I’ve haddock up to here with incorrect deliveries” to “Call me fishmeal.” The contest winner: “Available in hardcover, paperback, and fillet.” Advertisement Giant ‘stuffies’ are part of a new R.I. tourism campaign. Locals aren’t the biggest fans. https://t.co/PYxDqGkgR0 — The Boston Globe (@BostonGlobe) September 2, 2023 Shelling it out Everyone loves stuffies. But maybe not the 7-foot-tall, 250-pound fake stuffed quahogs that were commissioned by the Rhode Island Commerce Department. The goal is to rotate them through various airports around the country to promote tourism. Because nothing quite says “please come to our state” like a giant, human-sized clam made out of styrofoam. The social media commentary was predictably harsh, ranging from “vaguely vomit-hued mush” to “a tumor looking thing in a shell.” But, hey, at least it beats that “Cooler & Warmer” campaign from a few years back. Maybe Rhode Island Commerce can use them to persuade Merriam-Webster to pick a new word of the year. The tax shark cometh The new Massachusetts “millionaires tax” gave politicians in income-tax-free New Hampshire another reason to brag. Witness the TV ad designed by GYK Antler for the New Hampshire Lottery. A Massachusetts woman gets a knock on the door while celebrating a Massachusetts State Lottery win. Cue the “Jaws” theme and laugh track. Anyone who recalls those “SNL” skits can guess what happens next. Instead of the “Land Shark,” it’s that “no good Massachusetts Tax Shark that’s been swimming around stealing all our lottery winnings.” She opens the door after hearing “Candygram,” and a giant shark head busts through and swallows her head. At least she goes down swinging, by throwing punches, and shouting, “I’m going to send you back to Martha’s Vineyard.” Now there’s a place where they should worry about the tax shark. Advertisement Seeing green in Everett The Kraft Group’s community benefits agreement to get a Revolution soccer stadium built in Everett sure promised a lot: millions for a community center, a waterfront park, access for local sports teams. The most surprising thing? One shipping container with hydroponic vegetable growing equipment from Boston’s Freight Farms. No, the company didn’t slip campaign donations to Mayor Carlo DeMaria. In fact, chief executive Rick Vanzura had no idea how his business ended up in the deal. Turns out, a City Hall staffer with his own hydroponic garden added the language early in the negotiations to ensure a year-round source of fresh produce, particularly after the city lost its last Stop & Shop. Now, if someone figures out how to open a commuter rail station in the city, maybe the Krafts can finally pull this off. Capitol Hill showdown Teamsters boss Sean O’Brien was this close to a fistfight with Senator Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma on Capitol Hill, and it wasn’t over a sour cream shortage. Good thing Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont interceded. Who knew the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee could be so exciting? O’Brien and Mullin have traded insults in the past. Then suddenly, it seemed like the bluster was Jon Chesto can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him @jonchesto.
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